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Showing posts with label Water-cooler. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Water-cooler. Show all posts
Monday, March 12, 2012
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Every road is an on-ramp to fun with the startlingly new, surprisingly sexy Dodge Deflation™
The new Dodge Deflation appears to be the logical successor to the Buick Bureaucrat and the ultra-popular Chevy Volt.Thursday, March 8, 2012
Toys From Our Youth That Would Be Illegal Today
A while back I wrote about the Johnny Seven One Man Army rifle (a toy from the sixties that Chuck Schumer would personally ban). What other toys from our youth would the Party of Weakness outlaw in this politically correct day and age?
Jarts! a.k.a. "Lawn Darts." I'm not sure how many thousands of punctured limbs these things were responsible for, but the class-action lawyers must have cleaned up.
Tonka Dump Trucks: fabricated entirely from Ginsu knives by Tonka. They could slice fingers off if slightly mishandled.
Stretch Armstrong: the kind filled with jelly. If these were sold today, a hypo-allergenic, ADD nutcase would swallow the jelly, get sick, and his parents would sue the Chinese manufacturer. The entire episode would be the basis for a 20/20 special hosted by John Stossel; Nancy Grace and Greta would also devote a week of shows to the injustice.
Bow and arrows: remove the suction-cups from the ends of the arrows and -- whhoooooeeee -- you really could put an eye out; and I'm sure some kids did.
Bangsite!: evil-smelling, granular crap that came in an industrial-strength toothpaste tube -- it may have been calcium carbide. Mixing Bangsite with water made an explosive gas. Some kids had Bangsite cannons, heavy cast iron things that were relatively safe to use. Normal kids took a metal baking soda can and punched a nail hole through the bottom. This turned the can into a three-man, crew-served weapon. One kid tipped some Bangsite into the can, spat on it, jammed the lid on, and placed the can on the edge of the curb. Second kid put his foot on the can to brace it. Third kid applied the match to the nail hole. KAF---INGBOOM!!! -- with a burst of flame, the lid goes flying clear across the street. I still cannot believe that my parents knew I was doing this, and let me.
Airplane, ship and tank models: yep, we spent hours in our rooms with model glue... and our parents didn't care a bit. These days, an ambulance would be called and our rooms fumigated for a month.
Flexy Racers: a sled on wheels that was missing only one thing: brakes. These mysteriously disappeared from the market after -- I'm guessing here -- some kid rolled onto the Interstate and got pancaked by an 18-wheeler.
Wrist Rockets: basically a weapons-grade slingshot that fit around your wrist and used massive rubber tubes as the bands. The ammo was indistinguishable from a heavy ball bearing. Slightly less powerful than a .357 Magnum, and slightly more powerful than a .38.
Snow sleds with steel runners: on a decent hill, you could hit 70 MPH and some kids did, may they rest in peace.
Water-air rockets: I don't remember the brand, but this was a rocket that you filled with water and then pumped full of air. Let's just say that after a couple of hundred concussions and numerous missing teeth, it was removed from the market.
Also: Airedale remembers Crazy Clackers, "...a string with a golf ball sized glass marble. I use to see those things wrapped around telephone pole lines. They were ninja weapons in the wrong hands....which meant every kind of kid had the ability to give themselves permanent brain damage if they got a bit too curious with these miniature bolos."
Paul J. recalls the Kenner Mold Master (I had one of those!): "Hot soft plastic you poured into into a mold and made toy guns and vehicles. Rarely came out right but you could reuse the plastic. How many times I burned my fingers I could never say. How I didn't burn the house down who knows."
This was a freaking hotplate that allowed you to bake goop in molds. What could possibly go wrong with 300-degree plastic goop?
Related: A Child's First Book of Regulations.
Jarts! a.k.a. "Lawn Darts." I'm not sure how many thousands of punctured limbs these things were responsible for, but the class-action lawyers must have cleaned up.
Tonka Dump Trucks: fabricated entirely from Ginsu knives by Tonka. They could slice fingers off if slightly mishandled.
Stretch Armstrong: the kind filled with jelly. If these were sold today, a hypo-allergenic, ADD nutcase would swallow the jelly, get sick, and his parents would sue the Chinese manufacturer. The entire episode would be the basis for a 20/20 special hosted by John Stossel; Nancy Grace and Greta would also devote a week of shows to the injustice.Bow and arrows: remove the suction-cups from the ends of the arrows and -- whhoooooeeee -- you really could put an eye out; and I'm sure some kids did.
Bangsite!: evil-smelling, granular crap that came in an industrial-strength toothpaste tube -- it may have been calcium carbide. Mixing Bangsite with water made an explosive gas. Some kids had Bangsite cannons, heavy cast iron things that were relatively safe to use. Normal kids took a metal baking soda can and punched a nail hole through the bottom. This turned the can into a three-man, crew-served weapon. One kid tipped some Bangsite into the can, spat on it, jammed the lid on, and placed the can on the edge of the curb. Second kid put his foot on the can to brace it. Third kid applied the match to the nail hole. KAF---INGBOOM!!! -- with a burst of flame, the lid goes flying clear across the street. I still cannot believe that my parents knew I was doing this, and let me.
Airplane, ship and tank models: yep, we spent hours in our rooms with model glue... and our parents didn't care a bit. These days, an ambulance would be called and our rooms fumigated for a month.
Flexy Racers: a sled on wheels that was missing only one thing: brakes. These mysteriously disappeared from the market after -- I'm guessing here -- some kid rolled onto the Interstate and got pancaked by an 18-wheeler.
Wrist Rockets: basically a weapons-grade slingshot that fit around your wrist and used massive rubber tubes as the bands. The ammo was indistinguishable from a heavy ball bearing. Slightly less powerful than a .357 Magnum, and slightly more powerful than a .38.
Snow sleds with steel runners: on a decent hill, you could hit 70 MPH and some kids did, may they rest in peace.
Water-air rockets: I don't remember the brand, but this was a rocket that you filled with water and then pumped full of air. Let's just say that after a couple of hundred concussions and numerous missing teeth, it was removed from the market.
Also: Airedale remembers Crazy Clackers, "...a string with a golf ball sized glass marble. I use to see those things wrapped around telephone pole lines. They were ninja weapons in the wrong hands....which meant every kind of kid had the ability to give themselves permanent brain damage if they got a bit too curious with these miniature bolos."
Paul J. recalls the Kenner Mold Master (I had one of those!): "Hot soft plastic you poured into into a mold and made toy guns and vehicles. Rarely came out right but you could reuse the plastic. How many times I burned my fingers I could never say. How I didn't burn the house down who knows."
This was a freaking hotplate that allowed you to bake goop in molds. What could possibly go wrong with 300-degree plastic goop?Related: A Child's First Book of Regulations.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Exclusive Photo: Lost Jonas Brother Wants Free Contraceptives
The entire handling of this affair is deserving of severe mockery.
As an aside, Newt Gingrich obliterated David Gregory on Meet the Depressed this morning.
As an aside, Newt Gingrich obliterated David Gregory on Meet the Depressed this morning.Thursday, March 1, 2012
I'm switching insurance agents [Doctor Jay]
Doctor Jay writes, "I think I'll make this into a bumper sticker."
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
A lawsuit you'd only find in West Virginia [Uncle Ben]
Uncle Ben:
West Virginia: it's all relative.
This is a real lawsuit, one that if you read the newspaper articles about it, doesn't seem to be that big a deal.
Some articles are here and here, but you don't really need to read those.
Basically, a frat boy at Marshall U. shot off a bottle rocket, startling another guy who fell off a deck that had no railing, and hurt his arm.
Since it was fraternity property, and the fraternity was letting people drink underage, and do dangerous things like shoot off bottle rockets, he's suing.
BUT. Read the details of exactly how foolish the behavior was:
West Virginia: it's all relative.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
And now, a word on energy from President Obama
Afghanistan? Unemployment? Iran? Forget about that!
I'm focused on other things. Namely, free energy! Yes, I said it. Free energy!Can't be distracted, what's with Afghanistan? What's with the economy?
Stop worrying about that, I got that s*** under control!
Focus on free energy, the United States of Free Energy, bitches. The United States of Free Energy, 'cause I ain't stoppin' at free energy.
Write this down. A. L. G. A. E. That's right! Algae, bitches!
Yeea, Yeaa!!!
Photos: Just how the heck did this happen? [Papa B]
Papa B:
Have you ever slapped your forehead and asked yourself...
"Just how the heck did this happen?"Gotcha!
Friday, February 24, 2012
Top 10 Signs That the Obama Administration is Finally Embracing Transparency
10. Ubiquitous circular Obama logo replaced by artist's rendering of Nancy Pelosi's face without plastic surgery
9. John Boehner's phone no longer tapped
8. Live spy-cam catches Michelle slamming down sliders
7. Death Panel Bingo
6. Sign-up sheets posted for White House pickup basketball games
5. Unemployment statistics now distributed directly to media by David Axelrod
8. Parking validated for Republicans who visit White House
4. HBO documentary: "The Body Man and the Jacuzzi"
3. SEIU goons instructed to only taze Kenny Gladney, not break his legs
2. Gas Price Wheel of Fortune
1. ATF operation offers free Tek-9's to all DC-area crack dealers
9. John Boehner's phone no longer tapped8. Live spy-cam catches Michelle slamming down sliders
7. Death Panel Bingo
6. Sign-up sheets posted for White House pickup basketball games
5. Unemployment statistics now distributed directly to media by David Axelrod
8. Parking validated for Republicans who visit White House
4. HBO documentary: "The Body Man and the Jacuzzi"
3. SEIU goons instructed to only taze Kenny Gladney, not break his legs
2. Gas Price Wheel of Fortune
1. ATF operation offers free Tek-9's to all DC-area crack dealers
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Top Obama 2012 Slogans as Suggested by Readers of Ace o' Spades
The president's campaign needs a new slogan. The genteel posse of altruistic volunteers at Ace o' Spades decided crowd-sourcing would answer the challenge.
Obama 2012: Change Is Expensive
Obama 2012: Because Queen Elizabeth Really Wants A Skateboard
Obama in 2012 - Because somebody, somewhere, still works in the private sector
Obama: when an empire absolutely, positively has to be destroyed overnight
Obama 2012: Who's the cat who won't cop out / When there's danger all about?Obama 2012: All These Vacations Aren't Going To Take Themselves
Obama 2012: Abortion, Dependency and The Thrill of Misery
Barack Obama: Smell The Embarrassment
Obama: oppression has a new face
Obama 2012: Change Is Expensive
Obama 2012: You still can't use my middle name
O'12: Because you're racist, that's why.
Obama 2012: At some point you've voted enough
O'12: Admit it, you want to find out what comes after a Trillion
Obama 2012: Because we still don't look like North Korea from space
Obama: What I Did for the Middle East, I Can Do for America
Obama 2012: Divided We Fall
Just the Tip 2012
Obama 2012: If You Were Running For President He'd Vote For You.
Once You Go Barack, Theres No Going Back
Obama 2012: An Abortion In Every Pot
Obama 2012: Because The Mayans Said So
Obama 2012: It's Still Bush's Fault!
Obama 2012: How Much Worse Could It Get?
Obama 2012: The Last Vote You'll Ever Cast
Obama 2012: Ask us about our free contraceptives!
O in '12: Because America didn't eat its peas
Obama 2012: Mulligan!
SCOAMF II: Electric Boogaloo
Obama 2012: Who's promising you more free s*** than ME?
Obama/Biden 2012: America was dressed like a whore
Top 10 Demotivational Posters
From Despair.com:
Yes, I know there are really eleven. Consider the extra a bonus.
Hat tip: Ace o' Spades.
Yes, I know there are really eleven. Consider the extra a bonus.Hat tip: Ace o' Spades.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Discovered: Bill Ayers' First Book for Children
Noted educator (and "just another guy from the neighborhood") Bill Ayers appears to have authored a little-known children's book, discovered by Biff Spackle in his spare time as a dumpster-diver.
It's simply heartwarming to read these inspirational tales to your kids.
It's simply heartwarming to read these inspirational tales to your kids.Agenda for Democratic National Convention
Cub Reporter Biff Spackle scoops the world with the tippity-top secret agenda for the DNC.
2012 Democrat National Convention
Schedule of Events
7:00 pm OPENING FLAG BURNING
7:15 pm PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE UNITED NATIONS
7:20 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Barack Obama
7:25 pm OPENING PRAYER - Reverend Jeremiah Wright
7:45 pm CEREMONIAL TREE HUGGING - Darryl Hannah
7:55 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Joe Biden
8:00 pm GLOBAL WARMING OMFG!!!!!!!!! - Al Gore
8:30 pm GAY WEDDING PLANNING - Rosie O'Donnell
8:55 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Hillary Clinton
9:00 pm CHARGING OUR TROOPS WITH WAR CRIMES - John Kerry
9:30 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR GADDAFI - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon
9:55 pm INCOHERENT RAMBLING ABOUT COWBOY POETRY, ETC. - Harry Reid
10:00 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Sen. Ben Nelson
10:05 pm COLLECTION DRIVE FOR THE OSAMA BIN LADEN MEMORIAL FUND - Babs Streisand
10:30 pm FREE THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS FROM GUANTANAMO BAY - Sean Penn
11:00 pm OVAL OFFICE AFFAIRS - William Jefferson Clinton
11:45 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Nancy Pelosi's Rack
11:50 pm A PLEA FOR MASS PARDONS OF THE OCCUPY WALL STREET RAPISTS - Howard Dean
12:15 am FREE THE MINUTEMEN IN AFGHANISTAN'S PRISONS - Michael Moore
12:25 am Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Beyonce
12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS - Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
12:45 am NOMINATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA - Nancy Pelosi
1:00 am Max Baucus SINGS NATIONAL ANTHEM
1:05 am CORONATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA
1:30 am Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Ritt Santgingridge
1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Max Baucus to drive Hillary home.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Brief Separated-at-birth Interlude
Former Maryland Head Coach Gary Williams and the late, great Dennis Hopper as Frank Booth in Blue Velvet.
Whatcha think? Any other unconventional SABs?
Whatcha think? Any other unconventional SABs?Monday, February 6, 2012
Unfortunate Romney Campaign Photo o' the Day
Via Dave Weigel:
I can't wait for Romney to roll up in his Bentley at CPAC. Because the Maybach is just a little too much.
Update: Commenter Sara informs us that Weigel and the rest of the crew fell for a photoshop (and a pretty darned good one, at that).
I can't wait for Romney to roll up in his Bentley at CPAC. Because the Maybach is just a little too much.Update: Commenter Sara informs us that Weigel and the rest of the crew fell for a photoshop (and a pretty darned good one, at that).
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Cash Money Contest: Predict When President Subprime McCaddy Gets His 100th Round of Golf In
The invaluable Keith Koffler at White House Dossier tells us that President Obama has hit the links a record 92 times during his first three years in office.
In recognition of this monumental achievement, we're offering a $25 cash prize (paid via PayPal) to the person who comes closest to guessing the date of Obama's 100th round of golf.
So have at it in the comments. Along with your guestimated date, you can also include a caption for the accompanying photo, which we'll use as the tie-breaker.
In recognition of this monumental achievement, we're offering a $25 cash prize (paid via PayPal) to the person who comes closest to guessing the date of Obama's 100th round of golf.
So have at it in the comments. Along with your guestimated date, you can also include a caption for the accompanying photo, which we'll use as the tie-breaker.
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