Agenda for Democratic National Convention

Cub Reporter Biff Spackle scoops the world with the tippity-top secret agenda for the DNC.

2012 Democrat National Convention
Schedule of Events
 7:00 pm OPENING FLAG BURNING
 7:15 pm PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE TO THE UNITED NATIONS
 7:20 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Barack Obama
 7:25 pm OPENING PRAYER - Reverend Jeremiah Wright
 7:45 pm CEREMONIAL TREE HUGGING - Darryl Hannah
 7:55 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Joe Biden
 8:00 pm GLOBAL WARMING OMFG!!!!!!!!! - Al Gore
 8:30 pm GAY WEDDING PLANNING - Rosie O'Donnell
 8:55 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Hillary Clinton
 9:00 pm CHARGING OUR TROOPS WITH WAR CRIMES - John Kerry
 9:30 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR GADDAFI - Cindy Sheehan and Susan Sarandon
 9:55 pm INCOHERENT RAMBLING ABOUT COWBOY POETRY, ETC. - Harry Reid
10:00 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Sen. Ben Nelson
10:05 pm COLLECTION DRIVE FOR THE OSAMA BIN LADEN MEMORIAL FUND - Babs Streisand
10:30 pm FREE THE FREEDOM FIGHTERS FROM GUANTANAMO BAY - Sean Penn
11:00 pm OVAL OFFICE AFFAIRS - William Jefferson Clinton
11:45 pm Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Nancy Pelosi's Rack
11:50 pm A PLEA FOR MASS PARDONS OF THE OCCUPY WALL STREET RAPISTS - Howard Dean
12:15 am FREE THE MINUTEMEN IN AFGHANISTAN'S PRISONS - Michael Moore
12:25 am Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Beyonce
12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS - Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
12:45 am NOMINATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA - Nancy Pelosi
1:00 am Max Baucus SINGS NATIONAL ANTHEM
1:05 am CORONATION OF BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA
1:30 am Max Baucus PROPOSES A TOAST TO Ritt Santgingridge
1:35 am Bill Clinton asks Max Baucus to drive Hillary home.